Christina's Blog

A few weeks ago I had the chance once again to hear Sandy Puc’ speak at an educational event, this time on her Family Photography Tour for 2010. Sandy is an amazing photographer in Littleton, Colorado and one of the most inspirational speakers I have ever heard.  It is an incredibly-powerful thing to listen to someone talk about why they love what they do (in photography or anything else in life) and see their eyes brimming with emotion and truth.  Sandy travels around the country speaking to photographers, telling stories I’m sure she has shared a thousand times by now, and yet you can still hear a catch in her voice and see the tears in her eyes when she talks about the clients she has photographed over the years and the stories they tell her, time after time, about how much those images have come to mean to their families.  Nothing prepares you though for the story of how Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep was founded, how Sandy’s own newborn child stopped breathing briefly in her arms, and how she later came together with the mother who lost the first angel-baby she ever photographed to form this incredible organization.  Infant remembrance photography is not something most people are familiar with, but for those who suffer through the loss of a child, it can give them a beautiful memory to cherish.

I have been considering volunteering with NILMDTS for a while now, but in truth I’ve been afraid that I would be unable to handle the emotion of those moments.  This was my thought again while watching the final slideshow of the evening at Sandy’s talk, and afterwards she stood up and said, “Everyone always says the same thing to me, I don’t know if I could handle it.  I would cry.”  She then said there hasn’t been one NILMDTS session she’s been to where her eyes weren’t filled with tears  – but here’s the thing:  no one expects you to be in that room and *not* feel the pain and the sadness of that moment.  Of course you will, we’re only human.  It was what I needed to hear, I guess.

I took the opportunity the following day to tag along with a volunteer in our area as she went to photograph a gravely-ill baby boy who had just undergone a heart transplant.  A heart transplant!  This tiny little body was surrounded by tubes and wires and machines everywhere, and I helped by pulling up a stool so we could get an image of the mom giving him a kiss on his forehead, and holding wires away from his hand so we could get an image of his big sister holding it.  I watched his chest rise and fall, and saw his mom wrap her arms around her older two children while she stared at the numbers on the machines above his bed, and I was only able to hang on to my emotions by focusing on the photographic aspects of what we were doing.  Only barely.

I spent the rest of that day heavy with the sadness that he may never leave that hospital room and the gratefulness of knowing my own children were living, breathing, laughing, playing… alive.  It was then that I realized no matter how difficult it might be to photograph a sick baby or one already lost, it could never begin to touch what these families are suffering through.  I know these images cannot begin to replace what they have lost, but it is clear to me now more than ever how powerful a gift a photograph can be – with it we can celebrate the love and life we have for our friends and family, even the ones we are only blessed with knowing for a short time.  And sometimes these images allow us to remember that person as they are in our hearts, without the coldness of machines and wires, and that can give a sense of peace that allows us to keep breathing without them.

(If you’d like more information about the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep organization, please visit their website at www.NILMDTS.org.)

(continuing from Why Photography part 1)…

Fast-forwarding to late-high school/college, I was lucky enough to have a friend who’s father was a photographer, with his own darkroom, and I was able to learn how to develop black and white film – I loved it and was sure that when I became an adult I would have a darkroom somewhere in my house.   (I obviously wasn’t planning for the whole digital thing!)  I worked part-time for a professional wedding photographer during college who’s work I really admired, and quickly found myself absorbing everything I could about photography, from lighting to posing, and also found myself interested in the business aspects as well.  I attended several conventions and classes by the professional associations in this area, and was lucky enough to listen and learn from some very well-respected photographers of the time.  I even modeled at a PPNC (Professional Photographers of North Carolina) convention once for Don Blair (you may not recognize the name, but most any portrait photographer would if they’re been in the business for more than a few years!)  I watched an amazing presentation by Monte Zucker there, and was really struck by his incredible use of light – it was truly like he was a magician.  Almost 20 years later I found myself reading his photography forum on the net, and was inspired once again.

I was lucky enough to marry my soul mate, James, and later to have two beautiful children together.   I made the decision to be a stay-at-home mom, and was truly blessed to be able to spend so much time with my children during their early years.  With Jillian in school and Zander approaching kindergarten-age, I was struck with the reality that I really had no idea what I wanted to do once my time was my own again.  My career before children had been interesting (web design) but the thought of going back to that just didn’t excite me at all.  I thought of returning to college, but had no set goal in mind for that either.

One late night, James and I were talking about this (for probably the hundredth time) and he asked the simple question – “What are you interested in?  Think about what you would like to do for fun, not work.”  He brought up photography, since he knew a little of my past interest – and my first reaction was no way could I do that – too much time had passed, I had no idea about digital anything, and besides, where would I get the money required for all that expensive equipment.  But the seed had been planted, and before I knew it I found myself immersed in anything and everything I could find about photography.  I realized that I knew much more about photography than I gave myself credit for – and that I was right about knowing NOTHING about digital!  But I’m a fast learner.  I attended the PPNC convention in February 2008, this time as an actual photographer though I had not yet officially started my studio.  I spent months learning everything I could and though I tried to keep it in check, my excitement was building.  It just seemed so late in life to be starting a completely new career, much less trying to start my own business on top of that.  Then a wise friend gave me some of the best advice – “It’s not too late – life is long.  There’s no reason why you can’t start something new, and everyone deserves to pursue their own happiness.”  So that’s just what I’ve been doing and there’s no going back now!

“…to be given the chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. ” – Bette Davis

We’ve been hard at work looking for the perfect location for our new studio.  It is a remarkable thing to imagine, this concept of having a dedicated, separate space to grow in.  I cannot wait!